Easter Week

"I have a Roman in me.

He crucifies the Jesus in me.

I forgive this.

It is hard."

--from notes of Sy Safransky in The Sun

falls

we are one

dream

We

(a crowd of us)

are lost in a serious way--

not just a wrong turn, but major lost--

with not much chance of ever being home again.

I pipe up, "Is this to teach us what it is to be lost, and then found... like in Amazing Grace?"

As if it were all an exercise, rather than reality. Then a pair of ministers-- a married couple-- appears

and one ( the woman) says, "Once you have had a tear, you will understand." She goes from person to person, as if serving communion.

But what she gives out is a teardrop, one for each. ..

Amtrak station that helpless feeling

So

there i am in Union Station, waiting ... that's what you do in a train station, right? wait. hurry up. wait. good times for con artists... i swear they watch the prospects and talk to each other by cell

yes, i guess i look like a good target: extra tote bag--designer glasses, raincoat from Jones New York.

i'm not invisible while i waithurrywait.

So

A very large woman calls out to me:

Give me something to eat!

They took my baby!

She implores:

Don't go away!

Take me with you!

Mama!

So... here comes that helpless feeling.

the one you got when you heard the old guy screaming in the ER

--for hours, it seemed like.

or when you saw that fellow drinking from the gutter,

crouching, stretching his neck down to the rainwater.

you know what i mean. there's not a dang thing you can do to help the suffering person.

you feel helpless.

you begin to focus on how helpless you are.

it's kind of comforting to hear that familiar refrain, and it takes your attention away from the suffering.

So.