HAZELNUT

2006-10-29T14:53:00.000-05:00

Meteor part 2 ... then...when i finish hyperventilating ...i look again, and it is a stranger. a look-alike. somebody else's ex. mantra on seeing the homeless: that's someone's baby; someone's mom/dad, someone. Not me, not mine, praise god. strapped to the driver's seat, locked in the car, i look away. wait for the stoplight to change so i can drive on, and keep my heart safe.

2006-10-27T16:25:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you think you're going along just fine; then a meteor hits you. A ball of flaming rock from outer space. Know what i mean? End of a weekday, driving home, humming along with the song in my head (Louis Armstrong, "what a wonderful world"...ta da dum, ta da dee...) autumn, cold wind in the city, a little rain. (... ta da dee dee de dee...) waiting at a stop light, look left-- (...and i think to myself, ta da dum ...) look right-- man sleeping on bench at bus stop-- (...yes, we're used to that, ta da dee...,) look again... his coat pulled up like a blanket-- i can see his face it is my ex.

One river, many wells.

2005-09-01T20:29:00.000-04:00

Here's an image of Spirit in the world: One river, underground, mostly...... Many branches, streams, springs.. Wells, and buildings at the wells-- cathedrals, temples, mosques. (metaphor from Ira Progoff) I know a river where speckled trout hover in the current.. It's so clear you can see your words in the water. We'll pile up an altar of cold stones. Let's take the long way home.

Easter Week

2005-03-13T13:36:00.000-05:00

"I have a Roman in me.

He crucifies the Jesus in me.

I forgive this.

It is hard."

--from notes of Sy Safransky in The Sun

falls

2005-03-10T15:26:00.000-05:00

we are one

2005-03-08T19:55:00.000-05:00

dream

(a crowd of us)

are lost in a serious way--

not just a wrong turn, but major lost--

with not much chance of ever being home again.

I pipe up, "Is this to teach us what it is to be lost, and then found... like in Amazing Grace?"

As if it were all an exercise, rather than reality. Then a pair of ministers-- a married couple-- appears

and one ( the woman) says, "Once you have had a tear, you will understand." She goes from person to person, as if serving communion.

But what she gives out is a teardrop, one for each. ..

Amtrak station that helpless feeling

2005-03-08T19:26:00.000-05:00

there i am in Union Station, waiting ... that's what you do in a train station, right? wait. hurry up. wait. good times for con artists... i swear they watch the prospects and talk to each other by cell

yes, i guess i look like a good target: extra tote bag--designer glasses, raincoat from Jones New York.

i'm not invisible while i waithurrywait.

So
A very large woman calls out to me:

Give me something to eat!
They took my baby!

She implores:

Don't go away!
Take me with you!
Mama!

So... here comes that helpless feeling.

the one you got when you heard the old guy screaming in the ER

--for hours, it seemed like.

or when you saw that fellow drinking from the gutter,

crouching, stretching his neck down to the rainwater.

you know what i mean. there's not a dang thing you can do to help the suffering person.

you feel helpless.

you begin to focus on how helpless you are.

it's kind of comforting to hear that familiar refrain, and it takes your attention away from the suffering.

So.

Back to hazelnuts

2004-12-25T20:39:00.000-05:00

Let's get back to the nutcase

Hazelnuts

(See post July 29 2003)

If we find out we are created by a loving force, it will change Everything.

The way we view ourselves, our bodies, our neighbors, everybody.

We'll have to carry ourselves like precious artwork.

Respect all things for their holy beginnings. Yesterday, the yoga teacher said, "we do yoga to balance the body so that we can live more in the spirit." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She gave this guided meditation:

"See yourself on top of a hill, and down below, circle of people.

The first circle is your family and friends, people you love.

The second is the neighbors, the nation, the world, people you do not know.

The third circle is your enemies." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (ahhh, i forgot to tell you the leader's instructions for when you visualize these circles of people:~~ send them love from your heart.) yes.

"Osama Bin Laden," the yogini suggested. "God loves everybody."

i, sitting on my yoga mat, do get a picture of the third circle , and--

it is all me.

a crowd of little mes.

There is no blame-- only mirrors.

evening prayers

2004-08-15T21:06:00.000-04:00

thankyouthankyouthank you help!

sorry.

Breathing

2004-08-08T16:55:00.000-04:00

it can get lonesome out here among the hunters, being a simple gatherer.

breathing in, gathering oxygen; sending it to cleanse the blood; breathing out, casting away the old stuff.

* how clean can the blood get, day after day?

"ye gods, the cleaning, it is never done!"

as long as life goes pumping on, stuff needs to be carried out and cast off. ~~~~~~~~ what a drag! ~~~~~~~~~

i want to eat light, inhale the spectrum, exhale rainbows.

What if...

2003-07-29T16:28:00.000-04:00

~~~St Julian of Norwich had visions...

She saw the whole world as a hazelnut

And she learned three things:

1. God made it

2. God loves it

and

3. God will take care of it

What would it be like...to be as small as a hazelnut?

Insignificant. You ripen and fall without choice; that is your destiny.

Powerless. You fall where the wind puts you.

Helpless. In time, and without your consent, you will be

crushed underfoot, gathered for food, or broken open

to sprout a new hazelnut tree.

~~a source of food? ~~ a seed of new life?

i know i am a good swimmer, so i will attempt the race.~

dog 'knows' she can catch a rabbit, so she goes all out. ~

what we 'know'-- what we are sure of-- is the foothold, the foundation for all we do. what if there are important things we do not know?~

does the hazelnut 'know' it is created? ~~

that it has come into being through some great principles outside itself? ~

if we humans 'knew' --were sure-- that we were created by some greater agency-- what would we do differently?

2003-07-29T16:24:00.000-04:00

"pray for forgiveness," they say. but when I do, a voice says, "forgive yourself."

2003-06-20T19:43:00.000-04:00

what is it that happens to a person when he/she is met by the public with adulation? i've seen a man eaten alive by his own idea of how holy he was. i've watched folk throw loved ones away to adore at the fungus on a guru's feet. O Fame, adoration... "there is the holy one!."...O. O...oh no! projection... to carry a crowd's need ....Does the heart shut down? Do the eyes look back in the mirror? Does the head swell up, like a helium balloon, and lift the feet right off the earth? keep me humble, Lord and Lady, whatever You give me to do.

2003-06-07T20:51:00.000-04:00

Encounter: May 2003 A stranger tells me in a whisper that she has AIDS. She looks about to be sure nobody else hears. She says she has tried all the meds but nothing works. Now there is a new med and she is going tomorrow to see about it. I give her a hug and tell her she looks strong. Later I wonder what it was about me, that she picked me to give her secret to. I'm grateful.

2003-06-07T20:46:00.000-04:00

Rumi says: "All day I think about it . Then at night I say it Where did I come from, and what am I supposed to be doing? I have no idea. My soul is from elsewhere, I'm sure of that. "

2003-05-23T19:23:00.000-04:00

Last night the moon came dropping her clothes in the street I took it as a sign to start singing --Rumi

2003-05-18T16:10:00.000-04:00

is there anybody out there?

2003-05-15T16:14:00.000-04:00

here's a thought: if i reached out my hand to a sick person, and he/she healed, i would fear being swamped by desperate requests of others... having no idea how "i" did the healing, or if "i" could do so again... that would be a terrible feeling, i think i would drown in the needy. so perhaps thought jesus, who, after raising a person from the dead, said "tell no man."

2003-05-11T18:56:00.000-04:00

what is it that makes me leery of power? if ever i have had power, i have given it away. it is obvious that people treat you differently if you have power ... if they want something from it. and power corrupts...or comes with all the opportunities to become corrupt....sell out. i prefer to be somebody from whom others want nothing. it is not messy.

2003-05-07T15:39:00.000-04:00

WE HAVE COMMON DREAMS, THEMES WE ALL SEEM TO PLUMB. dreams of travel-- dream travel. flying, of course. and swimming. also rollerbading, skateboarding, and ice skating --all at magical speeds and with the ease of mastery. Everybody dreams these travel dreams, i am told. Other themes commonly held are school dreams: back in school, and cannot pass exams. Then there are dreams of non-travel-- wherein one misses the train, plane, or bus; or cannot start the car, or dives into water, but cannot sink in. arms move in freestyle, but more or less bounce off the water surface. Dreams of houses places one half remembers, places unknown but seen with a shock of belonging. And what about dreams of celebration? singing and dancing dreams, dreams of nature in its bounty....WE HAVE A COMMON DREAM STORY, and it is made of longing, loss, trials, and joy.

2003-05-06T17:29:00.000-04:00

what if... we had to meet ourselves--(..."hello, i honor and respect you....") at our worst every single day? would we grow humble? or would be grow afraid? contemplatives of many faiths have said that what we meet in the world is really ourselves, as in a mirror. the mirror reflects back what we bring to it: anger, peace, judgement, love... in this way we create our own reality. at best, this is a teaching tool, at worst, a kind of Dante-esq torment.

2003-04-19T18:40:00.000-04:00

what if ? let's take the long way home. there is a river with speckled trout and cold stones... sometimes you can see your words in the water. maybe we can find quiet there

2003-04-16T18:44:00.000-04:00

what if zorro stopped fencing and took off his mask? said, 'let's talk about this....blah,blah, i feel your pain....etcetera,..thanks for sharing. '.....? ...It would be...BORING nobody wants to watch that. it's not a movie, it's not a story, it's not a plot. for god's sake, it's just talk therapy. well, maybe woody allen can make it into a movie. but the point is, nobody is entertained by other people's yakety yak, with no mask, no sword... so why should we tell each other our deep sad personal histories? what is there besides entertainment?

2003-04-11T17:39:00.000-04:00

2003-04-11T17:38:00.000-04:00

uh-oh. what would i do if i found out that, by some fluke of your imagination, i was carrying a masterpiece of michaelangelo's? you would have to get a good careful grip on it? and what if i found out i myself was made by a great genius? well, you'd have to treat yourself better--get a new pair of reeboks,etc. ha. to get a grip. oh... are we talking about hazelnut theory? the same. call me nutella. the little nut.

What we know

2003-04-05T17:44:00.000-05:00

~~~i know i am a good swimmer, so i will attempt the race.~~~ a dog "knows" she can catch a rabbit, so she goes all out. ~~~~~~~~~~~ what we 'know'-- what we are sure of-- is the foothold, the foundation for all we do.************ what if there are important things we do not "know?"~~~~~~ does the hazelnut 'know' it is created? ~~ that it has come into being through some great principles outside itself? ~~~~`if we humans 'knew' --were sure-- that we were created by some greater agency-- what would we do differently? ~~~~~

2003-04-03T20:07:00.000-05:00

What would it be like...to be as small as a hazelnut? Insignificant. You ripen and fall without choice; that is your destiny. Powerless. You fall where the wind puts you Helpless. In time, without your own consent, you will be crushed underfoot, gathered for food, or broken apart to sprout a new hazelnut tree. a source of food ! a seed of new life!

2003-03-31T20:25:00.000-05:00

~~~St Julian of Norwich had visions~~~ She saw the whole world in a hazelnut And she learned three things: 1. God made it 2. God loves it 3. God will take care of it